What happens to our hearts when we don’t understand the “why?” Why did this horrible thing happen? Why us? Why me?
When we don’t know how to bear up under the pain, the sorrow the creeping doubt. What then?
My momma’s heart is aching for a mom who lost her son this week. I am only skimming the surface of this kind of grief, the searing hot ache, the gaping hole…it feels unbearable. And I, too, wondered why and asked how? I asked how does one endure a tragic loss? My eyes opened this morning and my thoughts were with this family, but my heart can’t imagine the emptiness and sorrow of what comes with the opening of their eyes to face this day without their son.
But my God…my strength, my rock, my fortress and my deliverer, my God in whom I take refuge…(Psalm 18) Our God, who is well acquainted with grief and sorrow, our God who is a shield for all who take refuge in him. Our God who arms us with strength for the battle, who hears our cry when we are in distress. Our God lives!
He lives to avenge, subdue and save us from our enemies. The enemy that comes in the form of the darkness in our hearts and minds the strongholds that feel defeating, our God is greater. Our God is greater than the darkness that threatens to engulph us with sorrows unending.
He lives because first Jesus died and now we have this hope for the something more. But the hope comes in the knowing that God, also, knows this kind of pain…it is not just for the hope in the something more, but the knowing that where there is grief, sadness, searing hot tears, He is with us. He can sit with, be with, make space for this kind of sorrow.
I cried out to you in my distress, the delivering God, and from your temple-throne you heard my troubled cry. My sobs came right into your heart and you turned your face to rescue me (Passion translation: Psalm 18:6).
Maybe it is ok not to know why? Or how? When I was at my weakest, my enemies attacked- but the Lord held on to me. v.18.
Psalm 6: Do not rebuke me in your anger or discipline me in your wrath. Be merciful to me, Lord, for I am faint; Or Lord, heal me, for my bones are in agony. My soul is in anguish. How long oh Lord, how long?…I am worn out from groaning; all night long I flood my bed with weeping and drench my couch with tears. My eyes grow weak with sorrow; they fail because of all my foes.
He hears the cries of his beloved. I know He sees, I know He hears. I don’t understand the why, but the one thing I know…God knows, the Father’s wrap around love endures, His love is greater, His love endures all things. He is our confident expectation of hope…that this is not the end.
We don’t go to dark places alone. Grief, sorrow…loss, we spend moments in these places in community and even when the sorrow is so deep and dark, when we cannot bear the community’s touch, we know we are not alone…God with us. God is with us. This is our how…how do we endure difficult things…sorrow that feels unending…we endure because we hope…we can know that heaven waits, heaven holds our future hope.
God is with you…He is with you in this storm. He is in the boat with you. He is holding you as you weep. His wrap around love envelopes you as you lie in bed hoping when you open your eyes the next time, this nightmare will be over. He is with you. He weeps with you. He knows this pain of losing a son. The Father knows. He will not rush the healing of this pain…for because you loved so deeply, you will also grieve deeply. That is the nature of this kind of grief. It is the very nature of this depth of love…it hurts so bad because you love so deep.
It is worth repeating…
This is our how…how we endure difficult things…sorrow that feels unending…we endure because we hope…we can know and trust that heaven waits, heaven holds our future hope.
If not for God…
from my momma heart to yours